Trying to decipher bike buying speek

Choosing your first road bike seems so much harder than you ever thought it should be. You set an amount you want to spend following an extension of the s-1 theory, where s represents the amount that would result in separation from your partner. After trawling the internet for several days, you find your target. It represents everything you imagined a modern road bike should be. The lines are exquisite. The groupset is the right one. The saddle even looks mildly comfortable! And for all this, your only over your initial budget by the GDP of a small country. You start looking through reviews, desperately hoping that you've found a true gem. In group review articles imaginatively titled 'best road bike under X pounds', you find that your bike is never the worst, but infuriatingly is also never the best. What does an 8 out of 10 really mean? Why does the top bike seem so generic and have no appeal to you whatsoever? Some have better specs. while others have better frames and are 'upgradable'.It is immediately obvious that any in depth review of your bike seems to have been written by someone who has never ridden any other comparable bike and keeps making ambiguous statements like 'feel', 'character' and 'response'. Why do they all have a statement about being good enough for what you need for now and keep referring to your next road bike instead of this one? You are confused and having doubts.

Ultimately, none of this really matters unless you end up with a lemon. Pick the bike that you want. Pick the bike that will make you want to ride every day, that will be your every thought at work and on the train. That you'll race along the flats and up that climb that terrifies you. There's no time for second thoughts or regrets. Pick the bike that will make you want to ride in the pouring rain. Nothing else really matters.